


Set A Course For Winds Of Fortune

by LadyShadowphyre



Series: Sastiel Love Week 5 [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Communication Happens, Dean Winchester (briefly appearing), Demons Lie, M/M, Ruby (mentioned) - Freeform, Sam Can See Castiel's Wings, Sam Winchester Detoxing From Demon Blood, True Mates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 21:52:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12713643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyShadowphyre/pseuds/LadyShadowphyre
Summary: In the aftermath of Famine, Sam and Castiel finally have a long overdue talk.





	Set A Course For Winds Of Fortune

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fae-and-night (goodgirlgonegeek16)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodgirlgonegeek16/gifts).



> Day Six: Episode-Related (Season 5 episode 14: My Bloody Valentine)

**S** AM COULD NOT have said with any accuracy in the moment just how long he was in Bobby's panic room riding out the detox from the demon blood. He knew that at some point Dean left, which didn't really surprise him at all, nor did the hallucinations he had of his brother saying the same things he'd heard before. Monster. Demonspawn. Not human. Same refrain, different time signature, but at least this time he had figured out that for some reason Dean still couldn't bring himself to kill his brother, which was... something.

Castiel didn't leave. The angel stayed the entire time outside the panic room, never once moving away. As more and more of the blood left Sam's system, he caught flashes of purple here and there, faint at first but slowly becoming more solid, more real. It helped ground Sam more in reality when the demon blood made him hallucinate the angel. For whatever reason, his hallucination never included the sweeping purple wings that Sam had come to accept were really a part of the Castiel he had been interacting with, while the real Castiel's wings moved and shifted with the angel, telegraphing actions and moods far more readily than Jimmy Novak's face ever did. It helped him block out everything that the hallucinated Castiel tried to say or do to him, and bolstered his defenses against the hallucinations of "Dean" returning.

It also gave him ammunition against the hallucination when "Dean" made a comment about Sam being too distracted by "those pretty purple feathers" to pay attention. Sam already knew that Dean couldn't see Castiel's wings, and Sam had never told him what color they were the one time he had tried to describe them. The moment he said as much, the hallucination dispersed, leaving Sam alone and secured to the rickety bed and utterly exhausted. He slipped down into the first truly natural sleep he'd had in three days before he could even register the lock turning and the door swinging open.

He woke an indeterminate time later to the feeling of being somehow clean and warm and somehow lying comfortably in his own bed on the upper level of Bobby's house. The reason for the warmth made itself apparent moments later as the pain in his wrists and the lingering aches in his joints faded away, noticeable now only by their absence, and the two fingers brushing across his forehead retreated. Embarrassingly, his head shifted minutely to try and follow the touch without his permission before he made himself be still. Too late to avoid drawing notice; the presence of the angel beside him stilled, and then there was the sound that Sam was coming to recognize as the rustle of Jimmy's tan overcoat as Castiel moved. When the bed dipped beside Sam under the weight of another person, however, he couldn't help but open his eyes in surprise.

Rather than playing tricks on him as had been the case during his detox, Sam's mind had indeed registered the situation correctly. Castiel sat beside him, hands resting open-palmed on his lap and eyes trained on Sam's face. Behind him, those glorious purple wings arched up over his head and curved forwards around him, almost like a cloak that the angel was attempting to hide his otherwise ramrod straight form within. It was a curious dichotomy, one that Sam still wasn't entirely used to from the few times he'd gotten to see Castiel's wings without demon blood clouding his senses, nor was he entirely sure how to interpret that contradiction in posture. He seemed... contrite, somehow.

"I apologize," Castiel said abruptly, breaking the stillness with the same sudden shock of a gunshot. "In all of the months which I have had to come to terms with the need for this conversation, I have never managed to properly imagine how it begins."

"It's fine," Sam found himself saying automatically, then mentally kicked himself. Whatever this conversation was that Castiel felt they needed to have, it obviously wasn't fine or the angel wouldn't be so distressed over it. "We don't have to have it now, if you'd prefer to wait some more...."

"No," Castiel said as Sam trailed off. He looked down at his hands, human features tightening in distress. "This is not a conversation to delay. It had been delayed already much longer than should have been the case. You have my apologies for that as well, though I will understand if you choose not to accept them."

"Okay," Sam drew out warily. He shifted, moving to sit up in the bed since this was starting to feel very much like a sitting sort of conversation. Speaking of which.... "Um, what conversation are we supposed to be having?"

"You can see my wings," Castiel said, startling Sam considerably. That was what this was about? "When I first learned of this, I promised you that I would explain one day why that is the case. I did not mean to leave it so long, only until you were more rested and perhaps for the situation to be more ideal.... But...."

"But things kept happening and it was never a good time and then I was back to drinking demon blood and couldn't see them anymore?" Sam guessed, feeling his gut sinking. "It's okay, Cas, you don't... Ruby explained it to me...."

"The demon Ruby is not someone I would have chosen to give you that explanation," Castiel remarked. He sounded almost bitter as he added, "She sought once to speak with me and 'explain' things. I feel compelled now to tell you that Jimmy was reaped when Raphael struck me down for interfering with the prophecy. I am alone in this vessel now, as I was not before."

"Good to know?" Sam said uncertainly. "I mean, I'm sorry that Jimmy's dead... he seemed like a decent enough guy, from what little I saw of him...."

"He was, generally," Castiel allowed. "He urged me to speak with you sooner, despite the potential awkwardness, but I did not wish to discomfit him with the use of his body for... certain activities... while he was present." His lips twitched oddly, fascinating Sam. "This did not stop him from occasionally speculating to me about what such activities would entail."

"Okay, I'm guessing that I'm missing some key information," Sam said carefully. "Ruby told me that I could see your wings because of my psychic powers letting me tune in to the plane you keep them on because of you having marked Dean." At Castiel's startled look and even more startled flaring of his wings, which Sam couldn't help but flick a glance towards, he said carefully, "So she was lying?"

"Indeed she was," Castiel said, blinking. "Although it is not an unreasonable assumption, were the bond I share with Dean stronger than it is. As such, the bond shared between you and I is much stronger, and it is because of that bond that you can see my wings."

"The bond... between you and me?" Sam repeated, eyes wide and stomach clenching oddly.

"The bond that forms between an angel and his True Mate," Castiel said, clearly expecting the statement to clear everything up.

It didn't.

"What does that even mean?" Sam asked, feeling lost. "True  _ Mate _ ? Like... I don't even...." He shook his head, bewildered.

"It means that in all the cosmos, in all the many and varied Realms of Heaven, Hell, and Earth, my Father has deemed you to be the soul best matched to my Grace," Castiel said simply. He hesitated, then extended one wing to the side, opening it to reveal the softer pale colored feathers along the inner wing, sunlight from the window filtering through the feathers as if they were made of colored glass or amethyst crystal. "The bond between us was set before your birth, lying dormant within my Grace, until I took your hand that day. Until that moment, my wings were a single shade of purple, near to black. Once the bond was realized, however, they changed and became--"

"Beautiful..." Sam breathed, eyes watching the shifting of feathers. One hand came up of its own volition, reaching out, and he flinched, curling his fingers back into his palm before he could touch the extended feathers. "I'm sorry... I...."

"There is no need to apologize, Sam," Castiel said, shaking his head, though he withdrew the wing and tucked it back against his body. "I have no objections to you touching my wings. Indeed, you are the only one who can without my somehow manifesting them on the physical plane."

"Wow..." Sam was stunned. That was an amazing level of trust being extended, even putting aside the part where apparently only he could see them, if he was understanding Castiel correctly. The only one in all the world who shared this kind of bond with the angel. He frowned. "But... why me? I mean, you're an  _ angel _ . I'm just--"

"The boy whose radiant soul shines like a beacon of hope in these dark times," Castiel said softly, drawing Sam's eyes back to his in shock. "The boy who should have been turned dark and corrupt by the demon blood within you, and yet your heart is filled with compassion and care, and your faith is brighter even than my own. To be with you, by your side, whatever may come, would be an honor."

"My faith isn't exactly what it used to be, Cas," Sam said with a rueful twist of his lips. "And by my side isn't exactly the safest place in the world, what with the Devil looking to wear me like a new suit."

"He will not have you," Castiel growled, grasping Sam's hands in his and sending another burst of warmth curling through Sam's gut. "Not even an Archangel can lay claim to another angel's mate, and I will not let him take you."

"Lucifer is pretty convinced that I'm supposed to be his true vessel," Sam pointed out, looking troubled. "He's not going to just step back and accept that I can't be his vessel because I'm your mate, Cas...."

"That you are my mate will not be changed by the opinions of an Archangel throwing a tantrum," Castiel said, startling a laugh out of Sam. "Unless... I have left things too late, and you do not want me...."

"I do," Sam blurted out, flushing. "God, Cas, I really do, I just...." He swallowed, looking down at their entwined hands, then back up. "This doesn't seem fair to you, that you get stuck with me, like this, when the world's on the verge of ending."

"Consider, if you will, that the world is in danger of ending," Castiel pointed out, his expression dry. "Are we not meant to seize what measure of happiness is presented to us? Sam," he implored, leaning close enough to touch their foreheads together, close enough that with a slight shift of either of their heads then their lips would meet. "I would rather have had you, been with you, for however long or short our time together may be, than let the moment pass us by and lose you forever."

There were arguments that Sam could make regarding that statement, he knew, but as Castiel's wings came around to enfold him in a cocoon of soft purple feathers he found that he didn't really want to argue at all.


End file.
